Big G is a straight up pimp!
STING OF DEATH
OK, there’s a new worst monster ever on celluloid for me. Worse than the melty rubber chicken from “The Claw”, worse than the foam mattress and bath mat combo of “Godmonster of Indian Flats”. I give you THE JELLYFISH MAN!
Watched this turd last night…something about a love-lorn guy with oatmeal on his face that discovers a way to merge with a giant jellyfish so he can swim around endlessly and watch “hot” 60’s chicks dance around at beach parties like spasmatic beached carp. Oh, and you see that dude with the super tight shorts holding a flare? Yeah, that’s how he’s defeated.
But, to be fare to Mr. Broadchest uglyshorts, he doesn’t exactly look that hard to defeat. That garbage bag on his head must hamper his vision and have you ever tried to run down a screaming bikini babe while rocking flippers?
I actually thought this was a pretty good movie. Ok, so the acting is terrible, the plot is pretty pedestrian and most of the characters are annoying on some level, but for what it was, this was actually not a bad entry for a floundering series. Yes, the loss of Doug Bradley as Pinhead was sorely felt, but I have to say that Stephan Smith Collins did a good job filling in his patent black leather bondage shoes. In the plus column, the gore was excellent and hearkened back nicely to the first movie and the cenobites where nicely done, especially the female Chatterer. The Pseudo-pinhead was a nice touch, too, as Pinhead is seen making him throughout the movie. Making a cenobite in his own image…a little heavy handed but I’m grooving on your flow anyway.
Taking into account that the whole movie was made in two weeks for something like $200,000 just so the Wiensteins could retain the copyright, it could have been a whole lot worse. The last time I remember seeing a movie that was made just to retain a copyright was the quickie abortion Fantastic 4, which was so truly pathetic it could only be enjoyed in that “What-the-holy-fuck-am-I-watching?” sorta way (which is exactly how I DID enjoy it, so I guess I’m not one to talk.)
So, is it a great movie? By no means, but I do think it’s a decent, fun movie…and worlds better than ANYTHING in this hemoraging series since Hellraiser 2. There, horror cred officially blown, now I feel free to say that I think The Exorcist is criminally over-rated. Phew! That felt good…